Age gap relationships (or "spring-autumn" relationships) may come in for criticism and ridicule, no matter how balanced or healthy they are. Partners with a significant age gap may find themselves the target of ridicule or outright criticism from family, friends and strangers; or they may worry that there is something wrong with the relationship.
Cultural norms about dating age gaps are based on two assumptions: that the age gap in relationships will be a small one, and that (in a heterosexual relationship, at least) the man will be the older partner. This simply isn't the case in many relationships.
Psychological Factors in Age Gap Relationships?
There are psychological reasons that some age gap relationships may be unhealthy.
- It is often suggested that the younger partner is seeking a mother or a father figure, or someone to guide and care for them.
- Older partners may be the target of those who assume that their interest in their significant other is purely physical or that they can't have found an equal in someone younger - especially for substantial age gaps of ten years or more.
Maturity
People mature at different rates, based on family patterns and life experience. It's possible for two people at different ages – even with a 20 or 30 year age gap – to be equally "mature," however you define the term. After all, how often do we hear the cliché that "women mature faster than men"? Some women at 30 are more mature than men at 50 – and vice versa.
Online support groups and chat rooms for age gap relationships abound. One of the most repeated comments on these boards is the reassurance that "age is just a number" and that love is about the person, not their age.
In Love with the Partner, not her Age
It's hard to argue with love. If love is real, and the relationship is good, then age becomes secondary.
It seems sensible to judge an age gap relationship by the same standards as any other romantic relationship. Does the person make you happy? Do they treat you well? These are the issues that really matter.
Consider the relationship as a relationship first, and an age-gap partnership second - but with an awareness of the additional issues that an age gap may introduce into any relationship, including aging, different life goals, and social pressure.
Friends and Family of Age Gap Relationships
The largest stumbling-block in most age gap relationships comes when friends and family – and even strangers – are introduced into the mix.
People may feel threatened or confused when witnessing a happy relationship between partners with a visible age gap, and some of them make comments that offend. Parents, in particular, may find it difficult to see their son or daughter with a romantic partner who is the same age as themselves – especially if the older partner is the woman, which really goes against what is expected. It may also be a challenge to enter each other's social circles, especially if friends or colleagues are limited to people of one's own age.
It may be helpful to give friends and family time to get used to the idea of an age gap relationship. Since their interest is usually in ensuring their loved one's happiness, seeing the couple together and happy will eventually win them over.
Remember that although family and friends mean well, it is not their relationship! Only the couple themselves know what goes on within their relationship, and only they have to live with whatever they decide to create in their life together.
Victoria Anisman-Reiner - Victoria Anisman-Reiner is a freelance writer with extensive experience in holistic health care and animal training.
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